I’ll always remember the first time I saw her. She stood in the break room at Hermann’s, the town’s grocery store I had been just hired to be a cashier at. It was my first day, and I was sent into the break room to wait. She stood alone at the time clock, reading a magazine left for employees to use. I was instantly drawn to her pixie like qualities and fine soft features. Her short dark hair was streaked with red, and her small body filled her khaki’s as though they were made just for her. This threw me off, because I had never had this reaction to a girl before. I quickly identified my reaction as envy - envy that she was so cute and that her perfect little body had all the perfect parts attached to it - unlike my gawky, awkward appearance that sported the usual pony tail and loose fitting clothes. My reaction had nothing to do with attraction. She looked up at me and smiled, and I quickly looked away. I didn’t have too much time to dwell on my thoughts. Moments later I learned that it was her first day at the store too. We were the two hired to take the place of graduating students moving on. Our trainer came in to introduce herself as Tina, and in the process I learned that my new coworker’s name was Cassandra, but she preferred to be called C.J. I did my best to focus on being a diligent new employee and tried not to make any kind of contact with Miss Perfect.
When we were finally settled in front of a tiny T.V. to watch our first orientation video, I took out my tiny notebook and pen and got ready to take notes.
“Are you seriously going to take notes? Seriously?” she asked.
“Um, well, she did say there would be quizzes and we could use notes.” I replied with a touch of uncertainty in my voice.
“Yeah, and she also said not to worry about passing them.” she threw back smartly.
Slightly annoyed, I turned my attention to the T.V. and the boring information it droned about safety. For the next three hours we went through the process of watching videos and taking tests. After the videos we took a walk-through of the store. I took my usual place a few steps behind Tina the trainer and C.J. the perfect. As I drifted off into my own world of thoughts, I realized that my eyes had planted themselves on C.J. the perfect’s tush. What a perfect tush she had. What the hell?! Am I checking out this girl’s ass? No girl should be this perfect. It’s not right. Oomph.
“Oh, sorry!” I cringed as she turned around to look at me.
“No biggie, I liked getting pushed around.” she laughed.
I stood there, red faced and speechless. I was saved by Isaiah the bakery manager. He wanted to introduce himself. He had full bakery gear on, and I thought how goofy he looked, but at the same time somehow polished. Although his head was adorned by a silly baker’s hat, his tan smooth skin, and perfectly straight white teeth showed signs of a man who believed in looking good.
“So how’s your first day love?” he asked, directing his question to C.J.
“It’s going swell. Easy Peasy. Thanks, Poppy, for putting in a word for me,” she answered throwing him a wink.
As my brain started to absorb the information, our trainer came back to tell us we were done for the day. I learned that for the next week, C.J. and I would share the same schedule. As the trainer walked away, Isaiah turned to C.J., “I am done in twenty minutes. I’ll meet you in the break room.”
I walked away to use the pay phone, hoping my mother was available to pick me up. Knowing that even if she were, I would hear about what an inconvenience I am because I was done and hour earlier than what was planned. After receiving the typical busy signal, I sat at the table in the break room with C.J.
“Waiting for your ride?” she asked.
“Yep.”
“Go to Bickom High?” she asked.
“Yeah, I’ll be graduating next year. You must go to Aveda High.” I replied, referring to the high school the next town over.
“No. Actually I graduated two years ago. My parents figured since I am going to be turning twenty next month, I should at least get a job and support my own fun.” she laughed.
I looked up at her stunned. For the first time I really looked at her face. She had the most amazing crystal clear blue eyes. I couldn’t help thinking no girl should be so beautiful while being so raw. She wore no make-up, yet her face looked as perfect as model selling make-up products. She had a cute little dimple that lingered without a smile on her face. “Yeah I know I look about twelve” , she said bringing me back to reality. I quickly looked back down.
“Well, I think I am going to see if the café has any rotisserie chicken left. I have about another fifty minutes before my mom gets here”, I said looking for anything I could use to get away from this situation.
“What?!” came Isaiah’s voice from behind me. “Where do you live Sugar? If it is not in Hollywood, I could probably drop you off. But then again, I always did want to go to Hollywood.”
I looked behind me and had to do a double take. He had gotten out of his bakery outfit and now wore an extremely polished look without a hint of goof. His light green polo matched his eyes perfectly. He had it tucked into his form fitting washed out designer jeans. His brown leather shoes matched his belt. When I looked up to answer him, he had a big, beautiful, white smile staring back at me.
“Actually, I live just outside of Bickom heading towards Aveda”, I answered, and before I knew it, I was in the back of a sleek car with the most beautiful couple. C.J. immediately put in a cd that had quick uppity beats.
“What are we doing tonight love?”, asked Isaiah while he and C.J. danced to the music in the front.
“Well since its drag night at Pimps and Kyle is pulling out Miss Geneva, I think that’s the obvious pick. Is Brian coming or are you leaving him home?”
I sat quietly in the back trying to absorb what this conversation meant. While C.J. talked about how she was wearing her new Jimmy Choo platforms with a matching handbag, I tried wrapping my brain how these people ended up working in a small town grocery store. Finally I got up the nerve to ask, “I’m sorry, are you two not a couple?”
Instantly Isaiah’s laughter filled the car vibrating off the windows. It was so boisterous and full of life that I found myself smiling and not quite understanding why.
“Oh, we get that a lot!” CJ cried out between giggles. “We aren’t lovers but we are soul mates. Actually, it is the best relationship I have ever had with a man. No. Isaiah has a boyfriend right now named Brian. He’s kinda dull if you ask me.”
As she winked at me, I sat there somewhat dumb founded. I had never met a gay person before.
“I don’t understand why you guys would want to work at a grocery store”, I said trying to get my other questions answered while changing the subject to a matter I knew nothing about.
Isaiah laughed again replying, “We don’t want to work period, Sugar. Our parents got tired of us living the free life. They figured even though they make more money then they could ever play with, that we should, what was they said C.J.?” he asked as he looked over at her with a lopsided grin.
“Something abut knowing the satisfaction of spending our won hared earned money. What about you?” she asked.
“Me? I am working out to help my mom out. Save some money for my senior trip next year.” I answered.
“I meant, are you gay?” she asked bluntly.
“Well, um, I don’t think so. I mean, I have never had a boyfriend. But having a girlfriend has never crossed my mind.” I answered, hoping that I wasn’t once again shunned for not fitting the part.
“Oh! I love this song. Turn it up! It gets me in the mood for good times at Pimps.” She instantly started dancing away, and like that the subject was dropped.
I sat there staring out the windshield, trying to place things in perspective. Cringing at the idea that once again I had been rejected. I looked up to find Isaiah watching me in the rearview mirror. He smiled and gave a wink and turned his attention back to driving. When I got home, it did not shock me to find my mother still on the phone chatting with a friend. I went to my room and lay on my bed trying to take in my first day. I was intrigued with the idea of working with C.J. throughout the week. When I walked into the store the next day, I found myself instantly seeking them out. I walked into the break room to find Isaiah sitting at the table with a look of mischief in his eyes. Before I even had a chance to say hello, C.J. burst into the room.
“I am going to kill you! Oh my god, I could just die. And if you don’t get that shit eating grin off your face, I swear I am going to slap you!” She stood there with a look of irritation mixed with humor directed at Isaiah.
“What’d he say to you Sugar, when you went and got the picture in question?”, he asked laughing.
“He said, ‘I don’t care what you do with your free time, but you shouldn’t ever lie to an officer’”, she answered laughing.
Isaiah’s laughter boomed throughout the room. I soon learned that Isaiah had been pulled over for failure to stop at a stop sign, and when he reached into his glove box for is information, a picture fell out. It happened to be a picture of C.J. handcuffed to a bed fully dressed with duck tape on her mouth and across her breast. The officer then took Isaiah in to be questioned. When he explained that it was a picture of his friend, and not some random woman he had bound and did unthinkable things to, the officer called C.J. When he asked about the picture, she told him it wasn’t her in the picture. The officer then explained that if it wasn’t her, then her friend was going to be arrested. She then admitted it was her, and she had to go and receive the picture with her I.D.
“Of course they’d think it was something sexual. Like they couldn’t tell you’re one of the biggest homos in Aveda. I felt the need to explain that the picture was meant as a joke. I just wanted to bitch slap the look he kept giving me!” she was still laughing almost as hysterically as he was.
I was surprised to find myself laughing along. Throughout the rest of the week I laughed more than I ever had. Isaiah often took breaks with us, and I became wrapped in their sheer joy in life. Just sitting in on their conversations, I felt like I was a part of it. As if I was involved in whatever story they had to share. I began to wish to really be a part of it. To be able to touch the excitement. After the week of training, C.J. and I worked different nights of the week. The day’s I worked, Isaiah would join me on my break. A few day’s into the week, Isaiah asked, “So, you have any big plans for your first pay check ever?”
“Well, I am going to give my mom a hundred. I will probably save the rest.”, I answered.
“Oh, you, always the responsible, cautious one. If you ask me, you should go buy yourself a fabulous outfit and come out with C.J. and me to Pimps. The divas will be putting on a good show. I like showing up there with virgins.”
Looking at the embarassment on my face he quickly added, “By virgin, I mean someone who hasn’t had the liberty of viewing a drag show Sugar. They’ll just eat you right up.”
“I can’t go. I am only seventeen.”, I pointed out.
“Oh girl, you just leave that to Poppy.”, he said with an easy smile. “I’ll pick you up Friday when I am done here and we’ll hit up the mall. I’ll dress you up like my own real life Barbie. C.J. has to work until nine that night, so she’ll just meet us at my place as usual.”
And like that, I was finally going to be involved in the excitement. When Friday came, I could barely contain my excitement. Even my mother’s lecture about being irresponsible with my money could not take my high way. I let Isaiah use me as his Barbie and was shocked to see myself when he was done putting me together. I wore a dress for the first time since childhood. He had me in a pair of heels that made my legs look unknown to me. My hair framed my face perfectly. The make-up made my dull brown eyes appear more golden. I couldn’t believe the girl standing in front of the mirror was really me.
“I knew there was a gorgeous looking lady hiding somewhere in there,” he said looking at me in the mirror. “They are defiantly going to eat you right up tonight Sugar.”
Just then C.J. came walking into the room, “Hey girls we read… Wow! Look at you. We are going to have to keep the Butchy Boys away from our girl tonight, Is.”
I saw her looking at me in the mirror with an intensity that made my heart flutter.
“Well, are we going to stand here love, or are we taking this sweet thang out to show her what life is really about?”, Isaiah asked with amusement in his eyes.
As we started to walk from the room she looped her arms with ours creating a connection. “I don’t know, do you really think she can handle it? I mean, we could be corrupting a young, innocent mind” she said laughing.
The ride to the club was energetic as the music blasted from the speakers. When we arrived the excitement coursing through me was a rush I couldn’t grasp. As I approached the door where security waited to I.D. club goers, the realization that no one gave me I.D. hit me. Just as panic and fear began to set in a chorus of, “Woot Woot!” flowed from the club to the parking lot. When I looked up a group of young people came over to approach us.
“Yea, the party arrived,” a boy from the group sang.
While everyone hugged and talked in excitement I stood there silently observing the group that had approached us. The boy who had spoken had baggie black pants held up by studded suspenders. He wore a neon green mesh shirt that matched his hair. Wrapped around him was a heavy set girl dressed in frayed baggie jeans with a black over-sized shirt that showed fifty different sexual positions with stick figures. She had adorned her face in glitter. With them stood two of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen. Both looked like they had just arrived from a beauty salon. One had the smoothest ebony skin with long black flowing hair. On her head she wore a diamond-studded crown. She wore a short red dress that showed the perfect flow of her body. Red spikes and handbag matched her dress. The other had the perfect porcelain complexion, with a mane full of auburn curly hair. She wore less than her companion, opting for daisy dukes and a black vest that just barely held in her breast. Her boots ran up to her thighs that drew attention to the lean smooth skin that was bare. Looking at the group, it seemed like the oddest mix to me. I couldn’t help but to feel hope of finding my place was right within reach.
“Oh boy! Do we have a virgin in our crowd? This is going to be so much fun!”, Beauty Queen number two said, looking at me with a devilish look in her eyes.
“Hi. I am Miss Geneva. Don’t mind Ginger. She has no idea what it truly means to be a diva and a lady”, the ebony beauty said holding out her hand in greeting.
Before I knew it, I was swooped up into the group and led inside. No one ever asked to see my I.D., but moments of being there I was approached by security, so they could put an x on my hand. This gave me the power of an under age clubber. Swallowed up in the music, I found myself dancing along with the group that seemed to have accepted me. It wasn’t long before Miss Geneva looked over at me and said, “Well Honey, you are about to get the show of your life. I just want you to notice Ginger’s adams apple when she’s up there pretending to be a queen.”
“You cunt! I am gonna eat you alive bitch!”, gasped Ginger.
“Oh please. I am just saying, you have a long way before you can get this crown off from my head”, laughed Miss Geneva.
As they walked away bickering, it dawned on me that Miss Geneva was C.J. and Isaiah’s friend they had mentioned the first night I rode home with them. It suddenly hit me that they were not the most beautiful girls. They were the most beautiful boys. I turned to look at C.J. and Isaiah and found them both looking at me with wide smiles. I could only imagine the shocked look I had on my face as the realization sunk in.
“I know right? It should seriously be illegal that they look so good!”, C.J. said laughing.
It wasn’t long before I was dancing and singing along with the queens while they performed their songs. The joy and freedom I felt shook my soul. I turned to a tap on my shoulder and leaned into C.J. as she yelled into my ear that she needed fresh air and would I like go with her. I followed her out and the cool fresh air felt good hitting my skin. We stood up against the club in silence. I looked into the clear night sky and the semi full shining moon, feeling serenity surround me.
“So, I have a question. The other day you said the thought of a girlfriend had never crossed your mind,” she said as she turned to look at me.
Looking at her, I felt my heart skip a beat. We stood there for a moment before I replied, “Yeah. But that’s not a question.”
“Well,” hesitating she smiled a little, “have you ever thought about kissing a girl?”
“I,” I’m thinking about kissing you right now, “don’t know. You?” I retorted with a hitch in my voice.
She stood there for a moment looking into my eyes, and I swear I felt her soul brush up against mine. She took a tentative step towards me, and I held my breath. Slowly she reached out and ran her hand through my hair while I stood there paralyzed. Not taking my eyes of from hers, I slowly felt her lean into me. Her lips brushed mine briefly and were gone before I had a chance to really feel them. She took a slight step back to look at me. There was a moment’s hesitation, and then under the light of the moon, with the cool air dancing across my skin, I leaned in to take the lips of the first girl I ever kissed.
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