Jailhouse Gets Empty, by Britainy Fitzgerald

September 19, 2008

“Come on, Brit, we gotta go!”

“Aright I’m comin', dude, hold on!”

I ran towards the door, one shoe in hand and cell phone attached at the ear. All seven of us piled into the escort. I don’t know how all seven of us managed to fit, but then again, I’m pretty sure we were all too preoccupied to care. I scrunched myself into a ball on the floor in the back of the car. I puffed away at my cigarette, flicking the ashes into the cup holder up front, next to Demi’s arm. She turned to look back at me. Her eyes bugged out of her head. She threw her long black fro into a ponytail on the top of her head. She proceeded to give me a quick slap at the back of my head.

“You’re getting ashes all over my car, ya bitch!”

I was kind of pissed that she slapped me. Demi’s “slaps” feel like punches, she was built like a fricken linebacker. I managed to get over it quickly, only because I couldn’t wait to get to the party. We pulled into Lembo’s driveway. Cars were lined up and down the yard and driveway. We piled out of the car. Well I kind of tumbled out with a six pack of Smirnoff bunched underneath my armpit.

I stood up and brushed of my knees. I walked down the hill and slowly made my way to the fire. Demi had gone off on her own. So there I stood in my own little isolated spot by the fire pretending to drink my alcohol. I suddenly felt a quick tap on my shoulder. I quickly whipped my head around.

“Come here, I gotta talk to you about something.”

“So my friend Dan told me to tell you, he thinks you’re cute.”

I raised my eyebrow and began to laugh.

“Yeah okay, ha.”

I really couldn’t take what Lembo had just told me seriously. I figured he was playing a joke on me. You know those little voices you have in your head sometimes? Like the ones telling you to do something and the other voice is like “no don’t do it!” Well that’s about where I was at.

Dan kept looking at me out of the corner of his eye. I finally decided to move away from my safe spot. I walked towards the cooler that Demi decided to rest her ass on.

“Demi, let me get a Smirnoff.”

She looked at me with a half assed smile and one eye open.

“Vodka. Drink it, bitch!”

She handed me the half empty bottle of. I took a couple of good swigs and headed back to the fire. The vodka hit me like a ton of bricks. The drunk ass rednecks circled around the fire like birds around a dead carcus. I looked at Dan and tried to study him. Well in less stalkerish terms I was definitely checking him out. He was actually kind of cute in an ugly way. He reminded me of an over grown sloth, but a cute one.

He was very sluggish and tall. His nappy gelled back curls reminded me of Justin Timberlake from the boy band N’sync. He dressed like a clean hippy. I know what you’re thinking do those exist? He had on expensive name brand clothes. The fur on his brown hoodie looked worn and washed out, his hat that had been tossed backwards on his head, matched his shirt and shoes. A thick hemp necklace lay across his neck. It looked dinged and dirty like he had never taken it off.

I slowly gathered up the balls to go and tap him on the shoulder. He turned and looked at me as if I shouldn’t have done that. I was like kind of lost in his eyes they reminded me of the ocean. My heart started to beat faster as I opened my mouth and before I knew it I blabbed out

“So if you think I’m cute you should probably say it to my face.”

He raised one eyebrow and looked at me.

“I like you already, you burn?”

“Fuck yeah, I burn.”

I really couldn’t believe what had just come out of my mouth. I really sounded like a total douche. Dan’s friend Procko had been standing next to him.

Procko was one goofy ass looking dude. His eyes sunk into his face, and his teeth slanted in all different directions. Talk about Fulton’s finest right there. Dan turned to Procko.

“Let the lady get greens dude.”

What the hell does that mean? I wouldn't admit it, but I never really smoked often. Although I was dressed in a tie dye, with my hair pulled back into a bandana, so I guess I gave the impression that I was some pot head. Procko passed me the bowl, I took a hit. As I inhaled, and looked at Dan cross eyed. All I could think is oh my god this kid is hot don't act like an idiot. I immediately started to cough I felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt so embarrassed I looked at Procko. He looked at me like he knew what was up.

I didn't let this slow my game down. I looked back up at Dan with a half-witted smirk, I tried to hold back from geeking out. At this point I knew I had him hooked. "Hey you think I could get your number?" I looked at him with confusion I couldn't believe he had just asked me for my number! "Okay I thought to myself play it cool. "Yeah I guess so," I replied. I walked away shaking my ass as if I had one to shake. I turned my head back to give a little smirk, just then I tripped over a rock. This is awesome I thought. I didn't speak to Dan for the rest of the night. Not because I didn’t want to, I did I kept looking at him. I was just too drunk to function.

I just kept drinking, falling over every guy that came in sight. I figured I had lost my chances with Dan. I mean why would he want to be with some hillbilly hoe. Luckily before I got to out of control I heard a voice.

"Come on, bitch, we gotta go!"

Thank god for Demi. The only thing on my mind from that night on was Dan. Two weeks later I noticed I had missed a phone call. I called the number back.

"Lolly lolly lolly, let me see you pop that body."

I began to dance in the mirror, popping my ass in the air. I looked back at myself and began to laugh at how stupid I looked.

"Uh hello"

Oh shit, I thought. Luckily it didn't sound like Dan.

"Uh yeah, hi, I just got a phone call from this number. This is Britainy."

"Oh yeah hold up one minute, that was my boy Dan."

My stomach dropped into my ass. My armpits started to pour sweat like waterfalls, my pupils began dilating. I couldn't believe he had actually called me! Okay play it cool. His voice ran right through me.

"What's up?"

I tried to keep my composure. I looked in the mirror with a shit eating grin on my face.

"Oh nothing much, just chillin" I responded.

"Well you wanna hit up a movie or somethin?"

"Uh sure."

I really wanted scream "Hell yeah!"

"Okay I'll be there around seven."

I ran around the house screaming and dancing I looked like a cracked out baboon. My eyes lit up like fireworks. 6:45 p.m., a gold saturn wagon pulls into my driveway.

"Bye, mom, I'll be home in a little bit!"

I opened the passenger side door, and slowly sank into the passenger seat. It smelled like fast food that had been stuffed under the seats in crumpled up bags for weeks. The seats in back were piled high with clothes and god only knows what else. On the way to the movies, we talked.

“Sup?”

“Nuttn really, same old shit.”

“That’s cool.”

“Yep.”

“I brought my Sublime CD. You wanna listen to it?”

“I would if I had a deck in this pile of shit.”

“What the hell happened to it?”

“Some douchebagg broke into everyone’s car and stole a bunch of shit after you left that party.”

“Shitty.”

“So I take it you like Sublime then?”

“Ha yup.”

“Sorry if I stink. I shower I promise.”

“That’s aright I like your stink.”

“No shit, that’s cool.”

“So where do you chill?”

“Ummm I really like the falls.”

“No way, second date maybe?”

“Hmm, well, let’s see how this one goes. Maybe you’ll get that lucky.”

I felt like we had an instant connection. Like it was meant to be for some reason.

When we walked into the mall, I looked at all of the movies that were playing. The only thing running through my mind as I looked down the list of movies was,

“Blah, blah, blah boring, boring, boring oh and Dan.”

Eventually I picked the movie Lakeview Terrace. It looked really stupid, but it was pretty much the only movie playing. Throughout the movie we kept talking.

“How did you end up being friends with Lembo?”

“Well actually I’m his girlfriend Kimmie’s friend.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, so how do you know him?”

“I just party at his house from time to time.”

“Hmm don’t know why I’ve never recognized you before.”

We ended up leaving the movies early. Not only did the movie suck, but we were being shushed the whole time.

Dan drove me home. As we pulled into the driveway, I realized it was over. I was bummed. 10:01 p.m.

"Can I kiss you?"

I had to be a smartass.

"You can kiss me on my cheek."

I turned my cheek towards him. He grabbed my face and in that moment his lips brushed against mine. It felt like a thousand vibrations had surged throughout my entire body. He let go, I thought I was going to pass out. I looked at Dan and smiled.

"Goodnight, Dan."

November 2009

Dan and I continued to date for about a year, and I decided to move in with him. Stupid move on my part. Dan worked a lot, so I really didn’t get to see him often. When I did actually get to see him, he was too tired to hang out with me. I remember when the shit hit the fan like it was yesterday.

“Dan I need to go to the hospital now.”

“Britainy really I fucking hate hospitals, and you know that, but I’ll take you.”

“Alright get out.”

“Really, Dan, you’re coming in.”

“Ughh! What the fuck, Britainy.”

Although Dan had brought me there, he was gone just as fast as we had gotten there. Four hours go by and then six. Oh and what do you know he shows up. I looked at him as if I was ready to pounce on him and beat his ass.

“I’m done Dan done.”

Just like that, I packed my shit and left.

May 2010

Six months had gone by since I had spoken to Dan. I dated but nothing serious. I was in my own little world partying my ass off, crashing from couch to couch. Throughout those six months, not a day would go by where I didn’t think about Dan. Have you ever drunk dialed an ex? I happen to be guilty of drunk texting. For some reason I missed Dan more than I had ever missed him before. I decided to text him. I really wasn’t expecting a response and I didn’t get one back that night. I woke up the next morning in jeans and a bra next to my friend Tonya.

The room smelled of alcohol and sweat. I rolled over and reached my arm by the side of the bed. I grabbed my phone not really expecting anything other than the time. There was a missed call from Dan. I hit the callback button.

“Hello.”

“Saw you called what’s up?”

“Well I’m sorry I didn’t answer your text, didn’t really know what to say, but I have been thinking about you lately a lot actually.”

“Well we should hang out.”

“Alright what are doing next weekend?”

“Hmm well I think I have plans with this Dan kid.”

“Oh yeah, he told me to tell you he will see you next weekend then.”

Saturday was finally here. I got that feeling of my stomach dropping into my ass again, as I ran around the house frantically trying to get ready. Every road sign I passed on the way didn’t read anything. The only one I could read was Manlius/Fayetteville. I pulled into Dan’s driveway. My hands slipped down the steering wheel with sweat. I saw him standing on the porch with no shirt on. His hair was flung in all different directions. The shorts he had been wearing looked as if they were worn for days. I got out of the car and ran towards him. I squeezed as hard as I could. I never wanted to let go.

“You probably should have worn sneakers.”

“Why?”

“You’ll see.”

Dan drove from his house. The whole way he wouldn’t tell me where we were going. I sat in the passenger seat with my head out the window. We finally arrived to this surprise location. It was a nature trail. I was really excited. My smile could have lit up a whole room.

“So what kind of trouble have you been getting into?”

“Me, trouble? Ha! Okay.”

“How have you been Dan?”

“Eh, you know, working.”

He began to slip downhill. He grabbed ahold of my hand. Somehow I ended up on top of him. Not sure if this was planned or not but it looked that way to me. He grabbed the back of my head and pulled me in. There it was that spark all over again.

Dan and I couldn’t resist the temptation any longer. One thing led to another, and, well, I think you know the rest. I stayed with Dan for a week. The day I had to leave I was a wreck. My eyes filled with tears as I shut the car door. I started to drive away as he pressed his hand against the window.

“Goodbye Dan.”

June 25, 2010

Three weeks. No phone call. I hadn’t heard from Dan in three weeks. My friend Matt told me Dan had let him know he just wanted to be friends with me.

June 25th.

“Well it’s positive.”

My face turned pale. I gripped my sisters hand as hard as I could.

“Dan, I just wanted to let you know that I’m pregnant.”

“Britainy, please tell me you’re joking.”

“Why would I joke about something like that?”

Then there was nothing but silence. I looked at the screen of my phone. The timer was blinking, and just like that he was gone.

February 17, 2011.

There I stood frantically digging through the underwear bins at target, trying to avoid the pain that had overcome me. I tried to pretend for a minute that nothing was wrong, but it was hard when it felt like brass knucks running down my entire back, piercing my spine. I looked at Dan eye's wide skin pale as a sheet of paper. It was the look of "oh shit this is really happening." I threw the underwear that had flooded my arms in Dan's face and uttered quickly

"Bathroom!"

I ran as fast as I could, nearly tripping over everything. I sat down and stared into the black stall of the bathroom rocking myself back and forth. I stood up and looked down to what I will never forget. The toilet water was tinted red. I buckled at the knees and tried to gather myself. I ran out the bathroom and headed towards Dan at full force

"We need to go now!"

"Go where?" Dan asked if it wasn't obvious.

The car ride to the hospital felt like the longest hour of my life. Sublime blasted through the speakers of my car.

"Jailhouse Gets Empty, Dan please turn it up, it's keeping me calm!"

Sweat trickled down my face like a leaking fosset. I sat in the car with my face smushed up against the window like an abnoctioius little pug. My fist were clenched, held high. I began pounding on the window like an angry ape. People were staring at me as if I had three heads. It was all out of frustration, I didn't realize it took an hour just to find Crouse hospital. I arrived at the hospital at 2:30 p.m.

"Babe I just had another one," I said.

"Okay, so that's every two minutes right?"

"Yes!" I snapped at Dan.

Finally the nurse got me into my room after a damn half an hour of staring the ugly pink walls.

I really wanted to get this done before Jersey Shore. It was Thursday, of course. 10:01 p.m., silence not a sound was made out of that baby’s mouth, but he was finally here. I couldn't believe it. The nurse slapped him onto my chest, at that moment he let out a blood curdling scream. I smiled and looked up at the white ceiling as if god was standing over me. "Thank you."